Assalamualaikum and good _______ (fill this in based on what time you're reading this)

So, today is quite a busy day, I guess. I went to the clinic with my sisters of course, to check about my back pain. This pain I got from many years ago when I was 9 or 10. I fell down on cement floor right on my lower back. As far as I remember, I was running in the class. Silly me. Just why on earth on that day I chose to run? I was a very passive kid. Well, I am a very passive person. A passive person got pain because she was running and fell down? Hah. Does not make sense at all. I don't run. I barely walking when I am walking. But yeah. Things happened. Shitty things happened.

After the incident (wow this sounds serious), my family was quite panic. No, wait. I don't remember the part they went panic. Well, let's just assume they did got panic. So, the adults (my parents and grown up sisters) brought me to a masseur. A male. A pak cik lah. He massaged me. that's all I can recall. I remember me  trying to hold myself from screaming because it hurt as ffffffff. I thought it would be very rude to scream over that pain. Scream does not heal, anyway.

"Sakit oyak deh? Jange senyap."

That was what the pakcik told me. I did not tell him it was so very uncomfortable and it hurt so much when he started do the massage. Why? Told ya. I am very passive that I did not even dare to talk. Not to strangers.

And the pain continues to haunt me until now. I've gone to meet a lot of pakciks and makciks to massage my back, taken some traditional pills, change my sleeping position, try to be athletic etc etc but it was alllll in vain. Nothing changed. I give up. That's it. Probably there's no cure to this. Just endure it. I told to myself.

Well, just so you know that I live in a village area where we are more encouraged to treat any body ache traditionally. Everything did not work on my back pain and no one seems to be caring enough to bring me to doctor or something. And seems everyone did not pay much attention to my back pain except me, I keep all the pain and ache and suffer ( no, not really suffering but yeah the ache is severe) to myself.

Whenever I feel I cannot hold the pain, I complained to my Mama, the only person that will take actions when I complained on something bad (such as the pain). And yeah the same thing, same process happened again. Massage, feel better for days, the ache come visits me again and it's like "Hi, remember me? I'm here again." We were just like best friends. Childhood friend. Hah! Not funny la.

So, I continue on living my life, with the ache always on my back. You know like "Hey, I always get your back". Haha. (I know it's not funny I'm just appreciating my own puns.). I enrolled for matriculation and since I stayed faaaar away from my family and there is no one that could take care of me as how my Mama always does, I know I need something for this back pain. And tadaaaa my sister comes to action. She introduced me to Salonpas, you know the patch for muscle or joint pain. quite.... helpful... no seriously it is. Yeah. A little bit. I've been surviving with those patches on my back when I feel like dying.

All in all, nothing really help for this backpain. There is one last thing I have not done yet. And I did it today. Get a professional advice, or consult a doctor. Yeayy finally someone who care about me and they showed it. Sisters, guys. We went to the clinic and doctor was also surprised to know I've been having this back pain for many years and she was  as she asked "why all of a sudden after so many years only today you come and see me?" Without a smile. And in a you know, unpleasant tone. So I told her the pain is like getting more serious and I don't want to die young. (this is monologue). No I did not tell her anything. I did not even respond. My sister answered all the questions. Being passive, again.

X ray result told us that the actual problem was not the nerves (which we all assumed it was nerves problems) nor did my back bone crack or something. It is fine except the shape. Normal back bone supposed to have curve but mine, it is straight. So tegak like 180 degree. That causes the pain. The fucking ache. Nothing could help. The doctor did not even prescribed me with any medicines. She only told me I have to undergo physical therapy, to get the curve shape for my back bone.

And so, that's it. Now, I only have to endure the ache until my spine get its original shape. It won't take long, hopefully. Not that I am worried about the pain, but the cost and time and people I have to trouble. The cost is I'm not so sure. It is not stated anywhere on the KKM web. Sigh. And gov based clinics are only opened on weekdays, the days I got classes. And my sister who is staying in Shah Alam is the only person I can rely on if, just in case, I may not be able to go to the clinic by my own. I got friends and I may seek for their help but thinking of all the assignments and tasks they (and me too) have to complete and submit, plus, it's another half of the semester already (finals approaching), I am no important. It's better (actually best) for them to spend their time thinking, trying to complete the assignments and study or revise anything than helping me ( the one useless friend ). Well, I really don't want to trouble anyone except myself. but yeah being a loser living on earth, I just happened to need help.

So, for now, physiotherapy is the only answer. Allah, please ease everything for me.

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