Assalamualaikum and good _______ (fill this in based on what time you're reading this)

So, today is quite a busy day, I guess. I went to the clinic with my sisters of course, to check about my back pain. This pain I got from many years ago when I was 9 or 10. I fell down on cement floor right on my lower back. As far as I remember, I was running in the class. Silly me. Just why on earth on that day I chose to run? I was a very passive kid. Well, I am a very passive person. A passive person got pain because she was running and fell down? Hah. Does not make sense at all. I don't run. I barely walking when I am walking. But yeah. Things happened. Shitty things happened.

After the incident (wow this sounds serious), my family was quite panic. No, wait. I don't remember the part they went panic. Well, let's just assume they did got panic. So, the adults (my parents and grown up sisters) brought me to a masseur. A male. A pak cik lah. He massaged me. that's all I can recall. I remember me  trying to hold myself from screaming because it hurt as ffffffff. I thought it would be very rude to scream over that pain. Scream does not heal, anyway.

"Sakit oyak deh? Jange senyap."

That was what the pakcik told me. I did not tell him it was so very uncomfortable and it hurt so much when he started do the massage. Why? Told ya. I am very passive that I did not even dare to talk. Not to strangers.

And the pain continues to haunt me until now. I've gone to meet a lot of pakciks and makciks to massage my back, taken some traditional pills, change my sleeping position, try to be athletic etc etc but it was alllll in vain. Nothing changed. I give up. That's it. Probably there's no cure to this. Just endure it. I told to myself.

Well, just so you know that I live in a village area where we are more encouraged to treat any body ache traditionally. Everything did not work on my back pain and no one seems to be caring enough to bring me to doctor or something. And seems everyone did not pay much attention to my back pain except me, I keep all the pain and ache and suffer ( no, not really suffering but yeah the ache is severe) to myself.

Whenever I feel I cannot hold the pain, I complained to my Mama, the only person that will take actions when I complained on something bad (such as the pain). And yeah the same thing, same process happened again. Massage, feel better for days, the ache come visits me again and it's like "Hi, remember me? I'm here again." We were just like best friends. Childhood friend. Hah! Not funny la.

So, I continue on living my life, with the ache always on my back. You know like "Hey, I always get your back". Haha. (I know it's not funny I'm just appreciating my own puns.). I enrolled for matriculation and since I stayed faaaar away from my family and there is no one that could take care of me as how my Mama always does, I know I need something for this back pain. And tadaaaa my sister comes to action. She introduced me to Salonpas, you know the patch for muscle or joint pain. It...is.... quite.... helpful... no seriously it is. Yeah. A little bit. I've been surviving with those patches on my back when I feel like dying.

All in all, nothing really help for this backpain. There is one last thing I have not done yet. And I did it today. Get a professional advice, or consult a doctor. Yeayy finally someone who care about me and they showed it. Sisters, guys. We went to the clinic and doctor was also surprised to know I've been having this back pain for many years and she was  as she asked "why all of a sudden after so many years only today you come and see me?" Without a smile. And in a you know, unpleasant tone. So I told her the pain is like getting more serious and I don't want to die young. (this is monologue). No I did not tell her anything. I did not even respond. My sister answered all the questions. Being passive, again.

X ray result told us that the actual problem was not the nerves (which we all assumed it was nerves problems) nor did my back bone crack or something. It is fine except the shape. Normal back bone supposed to have curve but mine, it is straight. So tegak like 180 degree. That causes the pain. The fucking ache. Nothing could help. The doctor did not even prescribed me with any medicines. She only told me I have to undergo physical therapy, to get the curve shape for my back bone.

And so, that's it. Now, I only have to endure the ache until my spine get its original shape. It won't take long, hopefully. Not that I am worried about the pain, but the cost and time and people I have to trouble. The cost is I'm not so sure. It is not stated anywhere on the KKM web. Sigh. And gov based clinics are only opened on weekdays, the days I got classes. And my sister who is staying in Shah Alam is the only person I can rely on if, just in case, I may not be able to go to the clinic by my own. I got friends and I may seek for their help but thinking of all the assignments and tasks they (and me too) have to complete and submit, plus, it's another half of the semester already (finals approaching), I am no important. It's better (actually best) for them to spend their time thinking, trying to complete the assignments and study or revise anything than helping me ( the one useless friend ). Well, I really don't want to trouble anyone except myself. but yeah being a loser living on earth, I just happened to need help.

So, for now, physiotherapy is the only answer. Allah, please ease everything for me.
29.2.2016

Tarikh empat tahun sekali ni la dapat spend quality time with awesome people. Hari ni jugak lah dapat merasa Starbucks untuk pertama kalinya. Sedap. Agaklah. Tapi Nescafe jugak yang thorbaik. And of course lagi murah dan senang dapat. Lulz. 


So kisah dia, we ( the people in the picture) went to Rawang today. The thing is to look for shoes but of course hello dah keluar takkan nak beli kasut je. Damn we did kind of lot of things. Eat(wajib!), shoes, Starbucks, karaoke, movie, and eat again. It's a good wrap for February. Walaupun aku lupa ada meeting but that's not a big matter. Rasa bersalah ya tapi bila difikirkan balik, jalan-jalan ni yang akan buat aku senyum esok lusa mungkin juga beberapa tahun akan datang (kalau aku takde penyakit nyanyuk)

Filem Munafik tu best gila kalau tengok tak menyesal. Banyak moral yang mengingatkan pasal keredhaan, yakin dengan Allah and jangan takut dgn SYAITON! Diorang mampu hasut and kita mampu lawan. Allah dah buat adil untuk kita. Bergantung pada diri la nak lawan atau nak ikut. The most significant moral I got is NEVER QUESTION WHAT ALLAH HAS DECIDE AS HE KNOWS BEST. Selama ni aku asyik nak mempersoalkan kenapa manusia mesti mati, kenapa syurga neraka perlu ada and all those nonsense questions yg dah macam orang tak belajar agama. Filem tu ada sedikit sebanyak menjawab persoalan aku. And selebihnya yg aku rasa tak puas hati lagi? AL-QURAN. The main reference. Jawapan ada dlm tu aku yg malas nak tadabbur. Tadarus hari-hari tapi makna, tafsir tak nak baca. Pastu mula lah persoalkan macam-macam. Jahilnya aku. 

Betul la petunjuk Allah tu boleh datang dengan macam-macam cara. Even through a movie. Thank you God. You answered me. You always do. 

Ok itu pasal movie. Dah. 

Next, main point aku nak cerita, aku seronok hari ni. Penat memang lah penat. Tapi seronok. Hidup hampir complete. Keluar dgn kawan-kawan gila tak seronok. 

There is no time wasted if you really enjoy that moment. Time not spent together is time wasted. Cherish every moment. ❤️

Rasa tak sedap hati, the feel I get everytime anything bad is going to happen-spoil mood aku. 

Mungkin setan semua ni. 

Tak kesah la yang penting, seronok. 



Assalamualaikum and hello people!

So 4 days had just passed. Means that I've been UPSI for 4 days and a half now. Well literally 5 days. Quite fast the time is flying away. So this time I want to tell you guys about orientation week in UPSI that I've had experienced for the past 4 and a half day. 

First, the registration. It went quite well unless that we have to sit and wait for our turn to give them our biodata, medical check up forms, take our room's key and photography session. The flow is quite slow compared to matriculation's registration last year. But yeahh it went all well. 

After all those things settled, I got my keys so my sisters and I went ip way hiiiiiigh to my room. God it's on third floor!! The block is the most faaaaar from cafe and I live in the third floor. Well I guess this is the signal or a chance for me to lose some weight. Hahahha. So I was the first one to enter the house. It's not that big but complete with 3 rooms and 2 bathrooms, place to hang your laundry, a sink. Each room contained 2 beds and 2 lockers or cupboards which means two people for each room. Aaaand my roommate is 20 years old, from Sabah and we're from the same faculty, language and communication. But she took the course of Arabic Language and me, TESL. And there're another 3 housemates in the same course as hers. Another housemate is in Science field. ( the moment I'm writing this my roommate got in. Panjang umurnya. Hahahaha ) 

So yeahhh majority of us which are four people are in Arabic Language course. I am so blessed. I've always want to learn Arab since after PMR and now 4 gonna-be-arab-teachers are my housemates. If I got the chance and time I'll be learning from them maybe. Hehe. 

So minggu orientasi as usual, the most tiring period. But this suai kenal period is better than matric's. No shouting facilitators. They were all so kind and helpful. For the whole five days we have to ride the bus from our hostel to dewan besar. If lucky and early, you'll get a seat in the bus or not you have to stand. And this is my very first experience standing in the bus! The most frightening was I had to stand on the stairs and the door was opened. It was just for 20seconds or so but seriously I freaked out. 

For muslims, there is no solat berjemaah except for solat jumaat. So you have to pray on your own at the surau near the dewan besar. Crowded I tell you it is very crowded. But if kita ikhlas, Allah will ease everything. 

The week was filled with talks, speech and my favourite is, majlis ikrar! Through that ceremony, we were confirmed as students of UPSI or anak kandung suluh budiman. We recited the ikrar and yeahhhh we're officially anak kandung suluh budiman!! I still don't understand what does that mean but so what, it sounds good. 

New students don't have to worry about facis or seniors. They are all so caring, responsible, sporting, kind hearted and they handled us very well with full of manners and maturely. I've learned a lot of energizers and totally will never forget. 

So, all in all, my minggu orientasi in UPSI went well. No troubles at all. But of course tired as hell and sleepy all the time during the talks. 

That's all. UPSI is one of the top universities in Malaysia where they produce the educators for the next generation that will lead our country. I am proud to be chosen to be here. And yes since I got the course that I want, I'm not gonna waste this chance. I'll do my best to be the best student and the best teacher in future. And show to Malaysians that English is fun!!

So see ya guys again around!

Ps: my class will start tomorrow and I still dont know how to ride the bus. Hahaha
Pss: people here call me SYAWAL instead of WALYNN. Awkward at first but it sounds better and yeah I like it. Hahaha. My sis punya pasal la suruh depa pggl Syawal. Hahaha