TOO LATE
“Go away! Leave me alone!”
“Honey, we’re sorry. We’re just trying to
help."
My mother keeps trying to touch me. I walk
as fast as I could and away from them, my parents, as we reach our home.
“I don’t need your help! Stay away!”
I hasten my steps to my room.
“We realise we’ve abandoned you and we’re
really sorry...”
“Shut up! Leave me alone!”
I slam the door behind me. I shout like an
insane. I guess I really have gone out of my mind. Tears are rolling down my
cheeks like Niagara Falls. I don’t even understand why I am crying. Too many
feelings are mixed up. Disappointment, anger, dissatisfaction, hatred and
almost all negative thoughts. I sit down on the floor, resting my back to the
door with my knees curled up. My parents are still knocking on the door,
begging me to open it. Only now? Before this happened, the door was always
opened but they never want to enter, never want to even catch a glimpse of what
I was up to. I always let the door opened for them to come in and kiss me good
night. But they never did. Now that I decide to shut people out, they are
pleading to enter. They keep on apologising. I become angry and annoyed
listening to that.
“Too late! I don’t need you. Not anymore!
Just go away!”
Again, I shout at my parents. Not my fault,
they made me. My phone keeps making annoying noises too. It keeps ringing. The names
that appear on the screen vary. They send messages and call me. Only now? Before
this, I never get a reply. No one wanted to pay attention on me when I need
them. Now, it’s too late for them to say sorry or to show sympathy.
I can hear sounds of vehicles in front of
my house and some other familiar voices other than my parents’. Those so-called
friends that never give a shit about me.
They keep saying sorry which I don’t know what for. I cannot understand
the situation now. I am feeling stressful and annoyed by the voices. My tears
still have not stopped. They are knocking the door and asking me not to do
anything stupid. They are begging me not to hurt myself again. Stupid? They are
the bunch of stupid. When I demand for their attention, none of them care about
me. Now that I start to hate everyone including me, they start to care about
me. It’s all too late. I won’t be the old me anymore. I won’t love anymore. I am
tired of it.
I don’t want to live and ignored for my
whole life. Why are they paying their attention to me now? All I did was cut my
wrist. The cut still gives me pain even under the bandage. They brought me to
the hospital and I just came back from there. Funny when I bleed my parents
start showing their concern. Am I really important in their life? If I am
important in their life, they will always concern about me. Always! Not only
when I bleed and decide to leave the world. They are faking now. I always want
this kind of attention but not now, not anymore. It is not impossible for them
to ignore and abandon me again after this. And to get them back to me, I have
to cut my wrist again? No, I don’t want to repeat the same damn thing. Let me
do it once and settle everything. If no one cares about me, what is the point
of living? I don’t want to spend my life with sorrow and solitude. Let me
leave.
Last
time, I was stupid to not lock the door. Now, the door is locked. Cutting wrist did not
work so I take another way. I take the small bottle with the cross and skull
image on it from my drawer. With all the noises and sobbing behind the door,
let me die as they become my lullaby to death. Let me make it clear before I go,
“It’s all too late. You left me alone all
the time now, let me leave. Alone.”
I drink
the content of the bottle as if I am thirsty and that liquid is some kind of my
favourite juice.
-THE END-
A/N: Hi and assalamualaikum. The words in this short story just
randomly came into my mind as if I wanted to live in it. Not anymore.
This post could be disturbing and sounds stupid to some of you but the
thing that I want to emphasize here is: do not let any of your loved ones be in
the “too late” situation.
Thank you for reading!
