Hi and assalamualaikum. This story is actually a sequel to "Before I'm Gone Forever". So, if you have not read that short story, go read it first (click on the title) and proceed to read this one afterwards. Thank you in advance!
SHE IS STILL HERE
“Yuni,
Yuni, wake up!”
Yuni
opened her eyes widely and gasped. I smiled at her and she hugged me tightly.
“Ji…”
Yuni
uttered weakly into my ears.
“I
had a dream. I thought I lost you.”
“No,
Yuni. Ji is here. Always here.”
I
caressed her back to calm her down.
***
“This
is not your field but you’re still willing to help. I am so glad to have a
friend like you, Ji.”
Yuni
said to me while she was busy with her measuring tape, pencil and cloths.
“I
am glad to help. It’s fun, anyway.”
Yuni only replied with a smile. Her eyes were focused on
the cloths she’s cutting. I was taking a look at the models who want to attend
for our audition on the screen. We asked them to email their details along with
their pictures. My task was to choose the models for Yuni’s upcoming show. Yuni
did not want any famous models as she wanted to keep the budget low. So she
looked for new and fresh models, the ones who have the potential to become
famous afterwards. Yuni had been planning this for quite a long time. We were
working in her studio. This show is a public show that will be held at a famous
hotel in our city in order to introduce Yuni as a fashion designer to the
world. There were many people in the team. Yuni started the plan by voicing it
out to me. She said she was tired of keeping her collections to herself. It’s
time to show it to the world. I agreed without a doubt and voluntarily wanted
to help her out. She said no worries about the money as she had figured it out
beforehand. So, I only helped her to look for the people that would like to
work with her. We needed more hands, like tailors, models, designer to design
the stage and the hall where the show will be held. I admit, it was not easy
but it is harder to see Yuni in depression and sadness.
Since I joined Yuni and the team, I have gained a lot of
new things from her. It’s not too much to say that she is now an expert. She
has a bright future in this fashion thingy. The people in the team were also
impressed by her designs and that’s why they really wanted to be a part of her
show. I felt proud of Yuni. Yuni really worked hard on this. It’s her first
fashion show ever and she’s going to debut as a fashion designer, finally. She
was going to introduce her design of cloths. Yuni said she does not want fashion
to be looked as only a trend. Let our cloths, our shirts and everything we wear
be a part of us, let it be our personality, let it be something that lifts us
up. Everyone needs different style and colours. In designing, Yuni considered
every aspect that matters – who is going to wear it? What kind of style that
people demand for? Why they must wear this kind of shirt with that kind of
jeans? How does it make them feel? She spent a lot of time on researching and
surveying on the internet and magazines. Sometimes, we spent the night at the
studio. There’s no time to go back home. We rarely sleep. Everyone was so busy.
Coffee had become our main source of energy. I believed we took more caffeine
than proper food. It took us months to prepare everything.
***
“Okay.
Tonight is the night.”
Yuni hold my hand. Her hand was cold
but I could see sweat formed on her forehead. Obviously, she was nervous. I
took a tissue from my purse and wiped the sweats on her forehead with my other
hand.
“It’s
going to be okay. Relax and calm down. We’ve got everything ready. Just leave
the rest to Him. Okay?”
Yuni
smiled a little and nodded. She excused herself to the backstage to make sure
everything is all right. I turned around and saw the seats were all full. The
audience were here and the show was going to start in any minute. I began to
feel nervous too.
“Hey!”
A
tap on my shoulder frightened me. It was Suri.
“Hi!
Glad you made it!”
Suri
was starting to talk and it’s unstoppable. She talked about she promised Yuni
not to miss the show, the handsome models, handsome guys all over the place and
she’s excited. I just nodded my head and did not really pay much attention.
“Oh
God it’s going to be great.”
And
she finally stopped. Then continued again. This lady just did not know how to
stay silent.
“Excuse
me for asking this, but, aren’t you tired?”
“Of
what?”
“Of
Yuni. You’ve been doing a lot for her. I noticed you’re paying too much
attention on her. You’re not this close before I mean well, not after...”
“No.
Never. I am doing fine and will never get tired of her, will never get tired of
helping her out.”
“I
don’t think what you’re doing now is good for her.”
“I
don’t see anything is wrong with that. I mean look around you, where are we
now? At her show. All I know is she needs me and I need her too. That’s it.”
“I
get that but I think she needs a treat...”
“Why
don’t we take a seat? The show is going to start in any moment.”
We
sat at the front row. The emcee announced the audience to take a seat as the
show is about to start. Suri was not the first person to ask that question.
Don’t they understand the value of friendship, love, sincerity? What is not
good for her? A friend who’s willing to
catch a bullet for her? Bullshit.
“It’s
starting.” Yuni whispered to me. My thoughts stopped when I saw her. She gave
me a smile and I replied. She was genuinely happy and excited for this. She
said hi to Suri and thanked her for coming. Suri and I exchanged look but I
looked away instantly and focused on the runway. The audience were cheering and
clapping. Yuni was delighted to receive such response.
After
the show ended, many people came to see Yuni. They congratulated Yuni for such
an amazing collection she has. Some other designers gave compliments for the
fantastic show she organised. Yuni could not say much except to thank them.
“Are
you satisfied with the show?” I asked her who’s still smiling from ear to ear.
“I
am on cloud nine! Everything went smoothly and everyone likes it!” she said
excitedly.
“I
won’t be able to do this without you, Ji. Thanks to you.”
“No,
Yuni. I was just giving a hand. That amazing show was the result of your hard
work.”
Yuni
only smiled and thanked me again. Minutes later we arrived at Yuni’s house. We
saw her parents’ car in the garage. They must be home already. Yuni told me
that her uncle was hospitalized a few days ago. So, Yuni’s parents went to
visit him this morning and that was why they did not attend their daughter’s
fashion show. Yuni invited me to go inside first. I refused but she insisted.
So, we both went inside. Yuni’s parents welcomed me warmly. We’ve known each
other for quite long time.
“Why
don’t you serve us some drinks, Yuni?” Yuni’s mother, Aunty Maria asked Yuni to
go to kitchen. Yuni excused herself.
“Thank
you for taking care of her, dear. I don’t know how to thank you. You really
helped her and us a lot when we can’t find any way out.”
Aunty
Maria started the conversation right after Yuni disappeared from our sight.
Yuni’s father also nodded his head and expressed his gratitude.
“She
is our only daughter. Now that she has you, it’s like we’re having two
daughters now.”
Yuni’s
father made us laughed. I told them I am tired of listening them thanking me
each time we meet. They also asked the
same question as Suri.
“Will
she be okay?”
“Well,
for the moment, she is doing well. She is happier than before, obviously.”
Seconds
later, Yuni came in. She handed the drinks to everyone.
“And
lastly, for you. Ji’s favourite drink, lemon tea.”
I
thanked her. We continued talking on random topics. It’s such a great moment to
spend it with good chats. Later, I excused myself as it’s almost midnight. I
still need to drive for a half an hour or so to reach my home. I said goodbye
and drove home. On my way home, I was thinking of Yuni. I let out a sigh. I
hope I was doing a right thing. As soon as I reached home, I went straight to
my bedroom and lay down on the bed. Everyone was sleeping soundly already. I
watched the stars, the glow in the dark star-shaped stickers on my dark blue
ceiling. I enjoyed watching them each night before I doze off. Slowly, my eyes
started to feel heavy. Indeed, it was a long day. I could not remember when the
last time I actually had a proper sleep. I fell asleep.
The
ringtone from my phone woke me up. I looked at the screen and Yuni’s name
appeared. At 3 a.m?
“Hel...”
“Oh,
dear. Please come over now! It’s Yuni. Please come now. Please! Quick!”
“Okay,
okay. I’ll be right there.”
It
was Aunty Maria. She sounded panic and worried. What has happened to Yuni this
time? Is she sick again? If Yuni was sick, Aunty Maria should have called
ambulance instead of me. I grabbed my sweater that was hanging behind door and
my car keys. I drove with 140 km/j speed towards Yuni’s house. I was sweating
heavily, worried of what might had happened to Yuni. Aunty Maria’s voice was so
serious and panicked. I finally reached in front of Yuni’s house and as soon as
I got out of my car, I heard someone was screaming.
“Yuni...”
I
knew that voice even though it was at high pitch. I sprinted to the door and
tried to open the door. Damn. It was locked. I rang the bell with my right hand
and knocked the door with my left hand simultaneously a few times before Yuni’s
father opened the door. Again, I heard Yuni screamed. I rushed to her room,
ignoring her father. I saw Yuni was on her bed with her eyes closed but her
mouth kept shouting for Ji. I went closer to her and sat beside her on the bed.
I hold her shoulders and shook her a little to wake her up.
“Hey,
Yuni! Ji is here. I am here. Wake up!”
Yuni
opened her eyes and hugged me right away. I told her to calm down and rubbed
her back to comfort her. I stroke her hair and softly caressed her head.
“I
had a nightmare again. I saw you and you walked away. I thought you were
leaving me.” Yuni said between her sobs.
“It’s
just a dream. Look. I am here, right? I’ll always be there for you even it
is...”
I
looked at the watch on the table beside her bed.
“...even
if it is 3.45 in the morning.”
Yuni
laughed a little.
“I
am sorry I made everyone went panic and made you drive at this hour.”
“Why
don’t Ji spend a night here? I mean you can leave when the sun is up. It’s
dangerous to drive this late, you know.”
I
looked at Aunty Maria and she mouthed please. She insisted me to stay until the
morning. Yuni seemed okay with it and she even suggested me to sleep on her
bed. I could not say anything except to agree. I stood up to close the door.
Before leaving the room, Aunty Maria whispered to me
“I
am so sorry you have to do this again. But she needs you at the moment and I
don’t know what else I should do.”
“It’s
okay.” I replied shortly.
Later,
both of us went to sleep. We’re really tired so we fell asleep easily.
***
I
left the house the next morning after making sure Yuni had her breakfast. I
drove to my house and I could not avoid thinking of Yuni. I hope I was doing
the right thing, the best thing for her. I could not avoid it anyway. I stepped
into my house and my mother was there in front of the TV.
“Where
have you been?”
I
forgot that I did not tell anyone that I went to Yuni’s. Well, everyone was
asleep anyway. I explained everything to my mother and my mother only shook her
head. She was just like the others. Always ask am I not tired doing this. But
the difference was my mother will add
“However,
I am proud of you, proud of having such kind hearted daughter like you. I hope
you don’t overdo yourself.”
“Mom,
I’m okay.”
I
went up to my room and only then I realised I left my phone at Yuni’s place. I
thought God was just signalling me to visit Yuni again today. I washed myself
and get dressed. I had another plan other than just going to Yuni’s again and
take my phone back. I guess we could spend time together today. Movies,
perhaps. I was at the stairs when I heard someone rang the bell. I thought it
could be Yuni. Mom must have gone to the market. I opened the door and exactly,
it was Yuni. But she seemed a little bit different. She usually smiles but this
time her head was facing the floor. In her hand was my phone which she hold it
firmly like she was never going to let it go.
“Hey!
I was just thinking to go to your house, pick you up and go to movies or...”
“Shut
up.” She said with a stern voice. I startled. She was never like this before. I
was getting nervous I could not utter a word. Seconds later, Yuni’s tears start
to roll down her cheeks out of the blue. Damn! Something is really wrong, I
thought to myself. I called her name
repeatedly but she did not response. She was rooted to the ground. I invited
her to come in but she remained silent.
“You’re
not her!” she suddenly shouted and frightened me again. One thing I keep
repeating in my mind “Did she realise it already?” I pretended to be clueless
and keep asking her what is wrong.
“How
could you let me live like this?”
“Wait.
I don’t understand...”
“Stop
pretending, Yazmin!” and again, she shouted.
She threw my phone and it hit me
directly on the face and fell down to the ground. It accidentally unlocked. I
saw photos of me with some other people back in the university. The photo of me
and her during the university project also appeared on the screen. Maybe she
had looked through my phone. I knew it. She remembered everything. Her memory
has come back after looking at those photos.
“You’re
not her! My Ji is dead! Why...? Why, Yazmin?! What are you trying to do?!”
She
cried and started pulling her hair. I approached her and tried to reach her
hands to stop her from hurting herself. I tried to explain to her everything
but she did not want to listen.
“Stay
away from me!” she pushed me hard and I fell on the ground.
It hurt me until I
could not get up. I think I have sprained my ankle. My back was also hurting
too. She’s suddenly unbelievably strong.
She
ran away and seemed lost. She kept walking slowly but was not heading towards
her car. She was heading to the road. She stopped by the roadside and looked
left and right repeatedly like she did not know this place. She did not know
where to go. Depressed of the situation, she grabbed her hair again and shouted
at top of her lungs. I got up painfully and shuffled towards her. I called her
name. She turned back and ran away from me. She crossed the road. I followed
her.
“Yuni,
wait! Listen to me!”
She
looked back to me and her expression changed from sadness mixed with anger to
surprise mixed with scared.
“Yazmin,
look out!” she shouted at me.
I
looked on my right side and only then I realised I was standing right on the
road and a car was speeding towards me. I could not move as I was in so much
pain and became clueless. Suddenly, bam! My knees bent backwards and I lost my
balance. Again, my back hit the ground as well as the back of my head. I felt
drips of blood at the back of my head. I lay down on the road and all I could
see was the sky. And Yuni’s face appeared. She came back for me. Tears were
still in her eyes. She asked for help from people to get an ambulance. She
lifted my head and rested it on her lap.
“Yazmin,
hold on.”
Then
everything went dark.
***
I
opened my eyes. I saw unfamiliar ceiling. It’s all white. I knew I was not in
my room or in my house. I heard a familiar voice called my name. I turned my
head to the left and saw my mother’s face and a bag of blood flowed into my
veins.
“How
are you feeling, Yazmin?”
“I
don’t know. What happened? Why am I here?”
“You
were hit by a car for trying to catch me.”
I
heard another voice on my right side. I did not notice there was somebody else
in the room. It was Yuni. I remembered what happened. The incident before I got
hit keeps replaying in my mind. I was glad to see her safe, anyway. But at the
same time I was nervous. I don’t know how to tell Yuni about everything that
happened. How to explain to her about her delusion? Or did she know about it
already? I wanted to explain to her why I imposed as Ji. No, wait. I did not
impose as Ji. She was the one who saw Ji when she saw me. I tried to speak but
the only word that came out of my mouth was “Um”. Finally, Yuni was the one who
start the conversation.
“It’s
okay, Yazmin. I am here to apologise. I was too emotional and got carried away.
You helped me a lot , so, yeah, thank you so much for everything you did. You helped
me to move on after Ji’s...”
She
paused and I could see she was holding back tears.
“...after
Ji’s death. I can’t thank you enough.”
“No,
Yuni. It’s no big deal..”
“It
is a big deal! Why, Yazmin? You let me live in lies. Why?”
She
stared at me waiting for an answer. I inhaled deeply.
“I
guess you pretty much have remembered this. 4 months, Yuni. After Ji’s death
you locked yourself up in your room. You shut people out from your life. You were
overwhelmed with sorrow, loneliness and guilt. You just could not move on. You quit
studying. You quit everything. You almost took your own life so that you could
meet Ji. One day, I visited you and you allowed me to get near to you. You looked
me right into the eyes and called me Ji. You smiled. Your mother said it was
your first smile after Ji’s funeral. That time, I thought this is the only way
to help you move on, to let you believe that Ji is still alive and always be by
your side. I thought that was the only way to get you out from the darkness and
get your life together. After that, we spent time together a lot and we did the
show and stuff. Since then, you’re you again. Happy, cheerful, passionate,
talkative. You’re finally alive again. Your parents were so happy to see you
finally able to do something else then crying and mourning. I did not have the
heart to see you in misery and depressed and that is why I was willing to help
you. I won’t allow you to go through it all alone because I am here to help
you. If living in your delusional world could help you to be happy again, then I
will live in that world to the fullest no matter how idiot, how insane it could
be. Many people said it is not good to let you live in comforting lies but I cannot
hurt you and let you go deeply into the bitter truth with sadness. I just want
to give you a moment of happiness in your life. That’s all. You’ve had it
enough.”
I explained
to her every detail. She started to cry again. Did I say anything wrong? I apologise
to her if my action only make her to feel worse but again, I emphasized I just
want her to be happy and able to move on.
“I
am so ashamed of my act. I’ve totally lost my sanity when I lost Ji. Why are
you being so nice to me? Before this I only work for you, I mean I was just
giving a hand. After that I left everything. We’re not even friends before.”
“Yuni,
I am not being nice. I am being a friend. In my whole life, I never have a true
friend, a friend who loves me like you did. A friend who cares for me like you
did. A friend who needs me as much as you did. I’ve been living with the famous
people but they never really care about friendship. When I imposed as Ji,
finally, I have someone to share my stories, to be crazy with and someone who
will take care of me. I know you may never intended to do it for me, you did
that because you thought I were Ji but it’s okay for me. At least I got the
chance to feel like I am needed in someone’s life. Even it’s not literally me
but I could feel it. It’s a win-win situation. You need someone to help you to
move on and I need someone who I can call as a friend in my life. We both were
living in delusions.”
I took
a deep breath and exhaled.
“Plus,
I felt guilty. Ji did not have the chance to spend her last moments with you
because I keep pushing the team to settle everything for that damn show. I’m
really sorry for whatever happened between you and Ji because I was being
selfish.”
“No,
Yazmin. It’s my own fault. It’s me who did not appreciate Ji and abandoned her
at the first place.”
Both
of us kept silence for a while.
“Shall
we pursue our friendship as usual? But of course you as yourself.”
We
laughed to that.
“Why
not?”
Yuni
raised her pinky finger.
“Stay
with me, okay?”
“Forever.”
I
entwined my pinky finger with hers.
-THE
END-
Thank you so much for reading! It's quite lengthy. 9 pages, people, 9 pages. Hahaha. Please tell me what you think. Grammatical errors, feedbacks, anything that you wish to tell me, please let me know!
